Tuesday, March 11, 2014

*shrug away*

Hai, Assalamualaikum :)

Read this link first : Best friends?

I'm sorry I've been posting about my "best friend" so much. People get annoyed, I know. But who cares, right? It's my blog in the first place. Hehehe. Okay, get back to what I'm saying.

I have a best friend, or I THINK I have a best friend.  I take time to open up to people, seriously. No, I don't have much trouble making friends, I can easily goes up to someone and say 'hello'. Really, not a big deal, with the condition I get a good first impression of him/her. Heheh.

But as this friendship continues, I feel like there's still a part of her that I don't know. It's not like she being secretive or whatever, but I just cant get into that 'deep conversation' with her anymore. She'd think I'm weird suddenly coming up with such questions. I know, I know she's not the type to openly show her love (as opposed to me, I'm a Libran and  Libra is the zodiac of love, mind that) but I could sometimes feel that we're somehow distancing.

No doubt that I do feel jealous when she mentioned another person as a her best friend. No, I have nothing against her having another best friend, but it just hurts that she always mentioned of the new girl's name which she has just known for like 2 years? I don't want to be petty, seriously but sometimes you just cant help to feel so, right?

I do get jealous seeing people standing strong with their best friends from a long time ago and I feel like here I am, barely hanging of a thin thread, desperately trying to keep up with the friendship. I tried giving her those things they have for "BFF" but then I never see her wore the bracelet or hang the keychain I got for her. I dont wanna ask cause that'll really make me sound petty but.. urghhh. I really dont want to feel petty and desperate but her reactions makes me feel so.

What hurts the most is when I always have time for her, be it early in the morning, in the scorching hot afternoon or even late at night but she can't do the same. I'd reply to her messages right away, even if I'm quite busy at that time (except when I'm in class. I'd put my phone away). It's just saddening that I'm her go-to person in case she needed someone but she's not the one I can call my "go-to person". It's not like we're always like this, anyway. There are times when we are perfectly as other best friends, hanging out together, went shopping together and all the stuffs that best friends do, but it's always after the hangout sessions that she'd automatically distance herself from me, stop replying to my messages and answering my calls. And again, because I dont want to sound petty ah hell, I'd usually keep quiet and not mention this to her. I never get to tell this to her.

Is it really selfish of me to have someone who I can call my best friend and she would call me the same too? Is it wrong to call someone out loud as my bestie? It hurts a lot, knowing all these while they dont share the mutual feelings you have. If it's really wrong, I'm guilty as charged.

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