Thursday, November 7, 2013

Ego

Assalamulaikum people! :D

Last Tuesday, I went to Mid Valley to meet up with my friend, Farhana. I'm currently entering the stress zone, and since I'm having few issues with my best friends (who said best friends don't fight?) I need someone to hear me out. Just because.

So, I told her everything about my flunked Land Law test. From A to Z. Done with my complains and rants and frustration, she said this. "Kau ego sebenarnya. Mula mula aku pun tak realise benda ni, tapi lepas aku jawab test Contract, aku sedar." Ohh, she's a law student too, a first year undergrad, currently at UM. I asked her, in what way I'm ego? She answered this.

"Kau ego sebab kau tak pernah fail lagi. Kau takut nak fail. Kau rasa dah selesa dengan current situation, so kau takut nak fail. Kalau tak fail sekarang, kau takkan belajar. Biarlah kau fail test ni pun, janji kau tak fail final. Kau dah tahu kat mana kau salah."

At first, I denied it. I mean, of course I'm afraid of failing, who doesn't? But the more I think about it, I think it's pretty true. Ever since Asasi, I never failed any law papers, the worse I ever got is a C+. Entering Degree, my lowest score would be a B-. For me, it's pretty impressive to survive a hell of a lifetime like law school. Hahah. To be honest, I have no passion in law and I simply study just to survive throughout my studies and finish this off.

But then, I also realised one thing about this ego. Because of this ego of afraid of failing, I strive to maintain my position. I keep my sanity straight with this ego. This ego helps me to try more and more and more to be better every semester. Although it's usually halfway until the mid-semester, but I'd regain my conciousness before my final exam. So, this ego is not a bad thing after all. It's about changing the negative wave into positive wave. And you'll feel better, don't you?

So thank you Farhana for making me realise this. For telling me directly to my face the thing I couldn't see. Now, who's whose inspiration? :p


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